It truly is a slow news day when I’m slapping up a shot of Victoria Beckham’s hard nipple. But I make it a rule of thumb that, when in doubt, you can’t go wrong with fake breasts. I believe that’s in the Constitution somewhere. Yes, our founding fathers were true visionaries - that loved boobs. Damn, this country rocks. I’m raising a flag right now in your honor, U.S. of A. I won’t tell you where, but it’s poised atop two boulders and, aw, you got me, it’s totally my penis. Ha ha, no one’s fooling you, America.